Interpersonal difficulties

Difficulty relating to others can impact your participation in class and group work. You may still have strengths in the areas of memory, creativity and knowledge, but you may find it challenging to meet your tutors’ or peers’ expectations regarding class and group work participation. You may find ambiguous language in lectures or vague instructions by tutors difficult to understand, or you may find the lack of structure at university challenging.

Think about the situations where you have the most difficulty relating to others. Click on the links below for specific advice.

    • How you contribute to group discussions in class or group work assessments is different from how you talk to friends. Likewise, the way your tutor or lecturer invites contributions from the class is different to the way you might have a conversation with a family member. Observe how your classmates interact and consider how they interject, contribute ideas and take turns.
    • Turn-taking is a big part of participating in conversations. Read about turn-taking to discover signals to look for, ways of joining a discussion, and ways to manage difficult conversations.
    • Practise role-playing tutorial scenarios with a friend or family member to prepare. Include turn-taking, considering others’ perspectives, conversation starters and getting the tutor’s attention.

    • We all worry about how others see us from time to time. Remember, we don’t like everyone, and everyone doesn’t necessarily like us. And that’s ok. Rather than worrying about how we might be negatively perceived, remember your positive qualities and focus on them.
    • Reflect on situations that may have caused you worry about how others perceive you. See if you can address the feeling at the root cause.  An appointment with the Counselling and Psychological Services (CAPS) team may help to identify strategies.
    • Try to eliminate any conversational habits that interfere with communication, such as repeating others’ comments before answering or thinking out loud. Try to remind yourself, ‘think it, don’t say it’ when others are around.
    • Consider what has or has not worked for you in the past. Techniques such as relaxation exercises and positive self-talk can help. Counselling and Psychological Services has developed a range of guided wellbeing exercises to get you started.

    • If you find the lack of structure at university challenging, try to create your own structure. For example, build your daily timetable around specific tasks – make them as specific as possible to help.
    • Try using a calendar or planner to set up a routine. If you have tried this in the past, reflect on why it did or didn’t work. Try to create a regular daily and weekly plan and maintain a routine for yourself.

    • Establishing roles or responsibilities when setting up a group can help everyone to understand what to expect. Try suggesting it next time you’re working in a group and/or suggest it to your subject coordinator or tutor.
    • The planning tools you use to organise your own work are even more important when working in a group. Try sharing and comparing ways of organising projects and time and agree on one that works for everyone in the group.

    • It’s always ok to ask if you’re unsure about a task or if you have any concerns. There is a good chance other students in your class will have the same questions. This is especially important for critical tasks throughout your subject but can equally apply to in-class activities.
    • Try practising checking questions before approaching your tutor. These could be phrases like, ‘This is my understanding…’ or ‘…am I right?’